Thankful

Thankful.....I am so thankful for this new season of life. Every day now as I drive to work, I spend some time with Father in the relative peace and quiet of my car and every day my heart is overflowing with gratitude for where I am/we are as a family right now. Don't get me wrong - not everything is perfect by any stretch....there are challenges as the rhythm has shifted for each one of us - but the thing that is so striking to me at the moment is God's amazing faithfulness in keeping His promise - even when life sucks and we feel like we're in the mud and mire.

This time last year I was struggling - mainly because of my physical limitations - but all the way through, Father's promise to me was to hold strong because the drought would be over in time - His time.

And indeed it did end. And even today, after such a busy, busy, busy week, a pretty revolting trolley dash round Tesco and even more revolting weather, I am soooooo thankful. I absolutely love my job. I absolutely love Paul and the girls. I absolutely love Jesus.

Thank you Father for such blessing. Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise.

But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.

Dilemma

I have a dilemma - well, not really a dilemma as such - just a small decision to make!!! You see, as of next Monday - 13th August - Team Gibson move into a brand new season. The girls have just started back in Yrs 10 & 12 but the big news is that I am going back to work!
I start next week - full time, term time.....perfect for us all.
So the decision - do I keep blogging............
Only time will tell!

Lessons from Samson

There are usually 2 things that spring to mind when I think of Samson - one is his long hair and the other is a tin of Golden Syrup - check out the front of a tin if you don't know what I mean!!
But today's preach highlighted some other things and really brought his story to the here and now.....
Samson was a man who probably failed more than he succeeded but God still used him.
His strengths were that he was 'set apart' from birth - a Nazirite with a promise over his life and his long hair was simply a sign of this. He was chosen and he was called by God. But if we know Christ, we are ALL chosen and ALL called and that is our strength. We are called to be different and distinctive.
Another strength of Samson's was that 'the Spirit of the Lord was upon him'. Time and time again throughout his lifetime, we are told that the Spirit of God had come powerfully to Samson and that is where his strength came from. And if we have the Holy Spirit living in us, then we have that very same strength because he is the very same Spirit.

However, Samson had weaknesses:-
He wouldn't deal with his temptations and because of that his judgement was clouded. His desires weakended him. From this we have to learn that we cannot flirt with temptation and we should make ourselves accountable to people we trust.
Also, Samson chased after the wrong goals. What are you chasing after???? I want to be one who chases after what God would have me chase over.....

At the start of his life, Samson knew that his power came from God alone but over time that thinking shifted and he started believing that his power came from himself and his 'successes'. If God is Lord of your life then He must always remain Lord - it is by His strength that we really succeed (whatever 'success' is) and truly live lives to their fullness.

Over at last....

The exams are over.......Jess took her final GCSE this morning (Chemistry) and apart from having 6th Form induction over the next 2 days - her days of compulsory schooling are over too.
I can't imagine how relieved she must be feeling - she has worked so hard, not just over the past couple of months but really for all of her school life. She's self-motivated and driven - a good pupil.
But I also feel relieved. I feel as if I have sat every single exam with her and done every single one of the hundreds of hours of revision too. It's been a strange time - difficult some days - but certainly strange.
It'll be interesting to see if doors start opening for me now.......I know God has had me home for this season, not only because I needed time to recouperate from my ops but also to just be 'mum'. But I know He has plans and I wait now with baited breath......

God is still God

I loved this timely message from UCB today:-

Gladys Aylward, missionary to China more than fifty years ago, was forced to flee when the Japanese invaded Yuncheng. With only one assistant, she led a hundred orphans over the mountains toward free China. During the journey she grappled with fear. After passing a sleepless night she faced the morning with no hope of reaching safety. A thirteen-year-old girl in the group reminded her of their much-loved story of Moses and the Red Sea. 'But I am not Moses,' Gladys sighed in despair. 'Of course you aren't,' the girl said, 'but God is still God!' When Gladys and the orphans made it through they proved once again that no matter how inadequate we feel, God is still God, and we can still trust Him. Sometimes God calms the storm, other times He lets the storm rage and calms us. Either way, He sustains us and brings us through. We always have a choice: either we give the burden to God or we try to carry it ourselves. How does God provide for us? One day at a time. Remember the Israelites in the wilderness? Each day God fed them by sending manna from heaven. Notice how it worked. The number of people in your family determined the amount of manna you received, no more and no less. And God would only allow you to collect enough for each day; if you tried to hoard more, it rotted. Getting the idea? So trust God for today and leave tomorrow in His hands. 'Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you.'

Holy Discontent

I've just finished reading Holy Discontent by Bill Hybels and feel slightly undone.....what is it with these books that seem to be coming my way at the moment????

Plan B

I have just finished reading a great book by Pete Wilson - Plan B (What do you do when God doesn't show up the way you thought he would?)

Now I say it was a great book - and I'd thoroughly recommend it - but having said that it's not an easy book to read - well, I didn't think so anyway. It's left me with a kind of uneasy feeling - a feeling of discontent, although I'm not sure that's quite the right word. I feel as if I have a hundred questions but not enough answers........

The general theme of the book is that God doesn't always do what we expect Him to do - and sometimes such crap stuff happens that we even question whether God is still there. And whilst the author addresses all this stuff, he doesn't provide too many answers. But I found that so brilliantly refreshing. You see - no amount of clever words or theological training can give you the answers to everything. If we knew it all then where would the wonderful mystery of God fit into it all?

I know I'm one of the worst in the world for wanting everything in a neat little package - for wanting things to happen in my timing and in my way - but by doing that I am confining God to the limits of my pathetic little existence.

The truth is I am searching at the moment - searching for God's purposes for me in what I believe to be a new season of life. Some days I even feel quite desperate for answers and desperate for something to do (told you I was pathetic!!!!) but trust is the choice that will get me through this. Trusting my God who has promised to always be with me and never to leave me. Trusting my God who has promised He has a plan for my life. Trusting my God who has me where I am now - not by accident, but by His perfect timing and for 'such a time as this'. Trusting my God who is using this time to shape me for what is to come......

I never for one minute thought I would get to mid-40's and be a stay-at-home mum and wife and even though I am SO blessed by my lovely husband and great kids, this was just never my plan A.

So Plan B it is then.

"I'm asking you to trust that one day faith will win over doubt, that light will win over darkness, that love will win over hate, and that all things will one day be redeemed. I'm asking you, right in the middle of your Plan B pain, to trust the process that is going on in your life. It won't be finished for a while, but it has begun. God will finish what he started. Wait for it."
Pete Wilson, Plan B

Dream........

"All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible."

Summer's on the way

.......and so I pushed a door and a glimmer of light has come in.....sunshine.....it's out there. The door hasn't opened wide but then again it wasn't firmly shut. But it wasn't the right time to step through.
I can see the sunshine though. Summer is coming. It's just around the corner......

Knee news

It's been some time since I updated with news of my poor old knees.
I am now about 11 weeks post op and things are going really well - brilliantly in fact. The brace came off at only 4 weeks (compared to the 6 or 7 weeks last time) and full range of movement with both flexion and extension was achieved after a matter of weeks. Miraculous, to be honest. Even the consultant was scratching his head at one point, not quite understanding why I wasn't in more pain and struggling with movement.
The physio is still hard work - but I have to push myself - it's better in the long run and can only aid recovery.
There are occasional days when I feel as if I've been shot in the back of the leg - sudden, sharp pain - but fortunately the good days outweigh the bad ones.
I am so thankful for the skill of the surgeon, the patience, skill and care of the physio and for all those who have upheld me (and continue to uphold me) in prayer.

Reaching

There's a story about a guy who fell into a pit and couldn't get out. A subjective person came along and said, 'I feel for you down there.' An objective person came along and said, 'Well, it's logical somebody would fall down there.' A Pharisee said, 'Only bad people fall into pits.' A judgmental Christian said, 'You deserve your pit.' A realist said, 'Now that's a pit.' A geologist told him to appreciate the rock strata in the pit. A tax agent asked him if he was paying taxes on the pit. A self-pitying person said, 'You haven't seen anything until you've seen my pit.' An optimist said, 'Things could be worse.' A pessimist said, 'Things will get worse.' Jesus, seeing the guy in the pit, reached down, took him by the hand and lifted him out of the pit

Holy is the Lord

I see the Lord
And He is high and lifted up,
And His train fills the temple.
I see You, Lord,
And You are high and lifted up,
And Your train fills the temple.

And I cry holy, holy is the Lord,
Holy is the Lord most high.
And I cry holy, holy is the Lord,
Holy, is the Lord most high.

I see Your holiness,
And light surrounds Your throne;
Who am I to come before You?
But now my guilt is gone,
My sins are washed away,
Through Your blood I come.

Who am I that I should gain the Father's love?
Now my eyes have seen the King.
Touch my lips that I may tell of all You've done:
Fill my heart I cry,
Be glorified!

Dreams

"When your memories exceed your dreams, the end is near...."

Speak to me

I came across this today - so timely for me.....

The man whispered
"God, speak to me"
and a meadowlark sang.
But the man did not hear.


So the man yelled
"God speak to me!"
And the thunder rolled across the sky,
But the man did not listen.

The man looked around and said,
"God let me see you"
And a star shone brightly
But the man did not notice.

And the man shouted,
"God show me a miracle"
And a life was born,
But the man did not know.


So, the man cried out in despair,
"Touch me God and let me know that you are here!"
Where upon God reached down and touched the man.
But the man brushed the butterfly away and walked on.

Don't miss out on God's blessings, just because they aren't packaged the way you expect them to be.

Rare

What is significant is rarely spectacular....

Joshua

I am just loving journeying through Joshua at the moment and as I've been scribbling down notes and verses, it has really struck me again how 'constant' the dialogue between Joshua and the Lord is and also just how many times God has to remind Joshua to be strong and courageous - to not be afraid - and how this works alongside discipline, obedience and keeping the Law.

As I grapple with the parenting of my teenagers - and getting alongside some of their friends - these scriptures have been such a timely reminder. God's love is so intense, so fierce, so wonderful. My love for my kids also has instensity and ferociousness. What a perfect role model I have in my heavenly Father as I guide, lead, discipline and generally be a parent. We shouldn't be afraid of discipline - they need parents, not more 'mates'. In fact we all do.

Thank you Lord that you are my Father - my Salvation - my Rock - my Guide - my Peace.

Be very careful to keep the commandment and the law that Moses the servant of the Lord gave you: To love the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways, to obey His commands, to hold fast to Him and to serve Him with all your heart and all your soul.

A guide for life

'The Bible is the road map for life, and while your pastor can highlight the best route to take, you learn how to navigate life's twists and turns for yourself.'
Billy Graham on reading the Bible

Learning = Growth

"For a lifetime of growth, continual learning is an essential. Experience alone will not guarantee learning. It's what you learn from your experiences that will transform your future. Your future is not comprised of the sum total of all your experiences - it will consist of how you have defined them."

5%

.....about 80% of all you do anyone can do (going to work, attending meetings, checking emails, answering phones......) Additionally, about 15% of all you do, someone with a measure of training could do in your place (selling a product, running a programme, teaching a class......)...education and training is available for someone else to do what you do.
But at least 5% of what you do, only you can do. No one else can do it for you.
Wayne Cordeiro - The Divine Mentor

In reality, what this means for me personally, is that only I can be wife to Paul, mum to Jess & Ells. Only I can keep my body healthy and only I can grow spiritually. No one else can do that for me. What it also means is that I can't blame anyone else and put the responsibility on anyone else for certain steps I take and decisions I make. I alone am responsible for growing my relationship with my Heavenly Father and growing closer to Him - there is no teacher, preacher or pastor in the land who can do this for me.
And as I wait on Him as a new 'season' in my life starts to open up, I am suddenly released and empowered by the Holy Spirit to put one foot in front of the other......

Anticipation....

Everybody's welcome
No-one is perfect
Anything is possible

Am so encouraged by these words and am looking forward, with eager anticipation, to seeing all of these things come to full and complete fruition.......

Value

The ability to assign value is one of the rarest and most precious gifts in the world. People who live deeply in community learn to discern and express the value of other human beings. They are masters of expressing love in word and gesture. They assign high worth, value and importance to others by viewing them as priceless gifts. They see that in addition to the "as-is" tag, every human being carries another sticker from God: "Made in my image. Worth the life of my Son. My prized possession whose value is beyond calculation."
John Ortberg: Everybody's normal till you get to know them

More Knee News.....

So - now 3 weeks post-op - and it would seem that there is nothing short of a miraculous healing process going on! God is good! I've had the last of the staples taken out today and a couple of the visible stitches. There is a whole 'web' of stitching under the skin which will dissolve over time - apparantly it takes quite a few months - especially where there are knots (we're learning all the time).
Physio is incredible. They are getting a range of movement it took twice as long - if not more - to get when I had this same op on my right knee. It really is just so amazing.
I have been so aware of the uplifting in prayer this time round - I know I slipped under the radar last time - and it has made such a difference. I feel so well (aside from the knee stuff that is) and my mind is starting to get back to normal working pace.
Outside of my own situation, I've seen God answer some pretty amazing prayers recently, particularly in the life of a young woman I know, and it has all been SO faith-building. So that, in combination with what I am experiencing, is encouraging me to start dreaming again.
God has plans, of this I am certain, and I am far from finished!
As I said, and will keep saying, God is Good. All the time.
I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for

Progress

I'm now a week post-op and feeling pretty good considering! I had 4 or 5 days of feeling quite unwell - the leg was uncomfortable (to be expected) but worse that that, I have been quite sick and generally light-headed, dizzy and soooooo tired. But I seemed to turn a bit of a corner yesterday and despite horrible physio (which is going to be a real swine for the next few months anyway), had a pretty good day.
I know I must be feeling better because I'm getting irritated about the mess around the house!! I'm a bit of a clean-freak and like everything to be in it's place and when things are not how I like them to be, I get irritated!
Paul is doing really well, bless him! Jess is snowed under with finishing up coursework and Ells is just Ells - always busy with something and nothing!
I suppose it wouldn't do for us all to be the same - and I suppose 'Team Gibson' works because we are all different.........
Aren't we a funny old bunch!!!!?????!!!!!

TruFit

Well, here I am, once again with my leg in a brace following knee surgery. It seems to have been the story of my last year or so - but hopefully this will be the final op for some time. For those of you who might want technical details, I've had osteochondral grafting to my left kneecap - or 'Trufit' (which more accurately decribes the scaffolding type substance that has been hammered into the bone to fill the hole in my kneecap). It really is a very painful op - this I know because it's the same one I had back in August on my right knee. But it's done now and things, as they say, can only get better.
Or at least they will once things get a bit easier with the terrorist called a physio!!! She is a really lovely lady but oh my goodness does she know how to inflict pain.
Still, tis true what they say - no pain, no gain.

Watoto

Earlier this week Sawyers Church hosted the most wonderful bunch of people from Uganda - the Watoto Children's Choir. And on Wednesday night we went (that is, Paul, myself, Jess & Ellie) to see them sing at Shenfield School.
What a wonderful, inspiring evening. I really don't have the words to do it all justice but we came away so amazed at their joy, peace and motivation. These kids literally had nothing but now, with changed lives, they quite simply shine the light of Christ to the world - the most valuable gift of all.

Heaven!!

For as long as I can remember my favourite dessert has been profiteroles - I even had them as the dessert at my wedding about a million years ago (well, 21 and a bit years ago!!). I love the gorgeous little bundles of sweetness and delight.
But then last night, something happened. A 'Marks & Spencers' Meal for 2 for £10 to be exact! And the dessert we chose was their Millionaires Shortbread.
Oh my goodness! How marvellous, how wonderful, how completely gorgeously delicious.
Profiteroles have a serious contender!

Diana

On the last 2 Monday evenings, we've all been watching a programme on one of the digi channels about Princess Diana (I think it's called The Diana Years - or something like that).

It seems really strange watching stuff which has been so much a part of mine and Paul's lives and yet the girls really don't know much about her. So they've quite enjoyed seeing all the footage and hearing all about her.

It's been lovely to see - but sad too. She was such a beautiful woman - a real 'gift' to us, the general public. She loved people and communicated wonderfully by just a word or a touch or a look. Someone on the programme (can't remember who it was - a designer I think) described her perfectly. He said that if you took each part of her separately - her face, her hair, her figure, her voice, her intelligence etc etc, then there was nothing much to write home about. BUT, put it all together and the result was a stunning lady.

Wonder what she'd be like now and what she'd be doing........

Normality.........whatever that is!

And so today we have returned to a kind of normality following some of the coldest, snowiest weather I can ever remember - certainly since living down here in the sunny south-east anyway. School was all over the place last week which meant, of course, the girls were all over the place. And I was basically trapped indoors. I really hate driving in snow and ice at the best of times and my car is completely rubbish in it all too - being rear wheel drive and having quite wide tyres. They might look kind-of cool but on a practical level score about 1/10!
I am also a bit wimpish about going out in this weather too as I am scared of slipping - especially with my dodgy old knees and particularly because I have been advised to do everything I can to avoid causing inflammation/swelling before my next op which is in 2 weeks time.
Hmmm......big op = leg brace for 6/8 weeks = immobilisation = little bit anxious!
But I have to keep giving myself a reality check. I'm not ill - just in a bit of pain and in the big scheme of things it's nothing. There are many, many more far worse off and I know that God will be my peace and strength through it all.....

Welcome 2010

Happy New Year! Well, let's hope it is anyway! 2009 wasn't my favourite year with far too much sadness and too many physical aches, pains and restraints for my liking.
I'm not really one for making resolutions because I believe they put pressure on me that I really don't need or want and, in any case, who needs a new year to change a habit, routine or attitude that wasn't particularly healthy in the first place?
But, all in all, things look far brighter now than they did 12 months ago. I still have no idea where God would have me or what, specifically, He would have me doing, but I do know that He only has my best interests at heart and that His timing is ALWAYS perfect.
In about 3 weeks I'll be undergoing another horrible knee operation which I know is going to be painful and leave me pretty immobilised for a while, but I know in the longrun it is for the best and I will look back and be very grateful for the skill and patience of the surgeon and physio as they nurse me back to some kind of fitness.

I am blessed because I trust in the Lord - my confidence is in Him
I am like a tree planted by the water and sends out roots by the stream
I will not fear when the heat comes and my leaves are always green
I have no worries in this year of drought and will never fail to bear fruit.......

Thank you my Lord and Saviour